As a pedestrian in London, you should be aware that pedestrian crossings are merely for decoration, or temporary car-stopping amusement.

If you actually want to cross the road, you should find a point either side of the actual crossing and attempt to cross while the traffic is still moving. This will show the suckers still waiting at the crossing that you are infinitely more efficient than them.

If unable to cross the road in one single attempt, you should stand precariously in the middle of the road for up to two minutes. Once two minutes have elapsed, you should continue confidently walking. The traffic will stop because no-one wants to dent their bonnet and have to tell their insurance company.

If a car has the audacity to sound their horn, you should unleash a volley of verbal vitriol in their direction. After all, pedestrians have right of way in the middle of the road, especially when they need to catch their once-in-every-ten-minutes bus sitting on the other side.